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I was baptized a Christian Baptist in my biological family’s presence.

A couple of years later my sister was born and then shortly there after the both of us were adopted by our Aunt and Uncle as told in the ‘All About ME!” pages.  My adopted mother was a non practicing Catholic and and adopted Dad was a Presbyterian.   We were re-baptized as Presbyterians and eventually attended the private school (St. Johns).  Personally, for me, I disliked that time in my life.  It was during that period that I slipped in church while kneeling to pray and busted open my chin, which bled profusely to the point where I had to have stitches.  I still have a scar from that!  Church to this day has very few positive memories for me!  The private school itself I could not stand: the classes, the uniforms, the forced attendance of church.  I was one miserable little boy!!  I’m not sure if my sister remembers much of that but I don’t think she much liked it much either.   I got us kicked out by acting out after listening in on how two other boys managed to get expelled and so off we went into the world of public schooling.

Years later “Mom” (at this point, divorced from “Dad”) enrolled us in another private school but we both got out of that one by acting out which got us kicked out, which my mother was not all that happy about.  So it was back to public schooling for us once again!

For a while we did not attend any church what so ever and then out of the blue “Mom” decided we needed religion.  I think the courts had something to do with it, if I remember correctly.   She dragged us to Catholic Church a few times and that did not go so well.  We then joined a Unitarian Church located on the premises of the University of South Florida (She taught there in the Social Sciences dept.)  This was one of the very few Christian churches that I really liked.  All walks of life, even gay, worshipped together.  No pastor begging for money in form of offerings for their next Cadillac or what ever and there was even a friendly squirrel that used to climb right up onto my shoulder and tickle my ear.  I felt liked I belonged.  I loved the big tree outside too.  The pastor was a good man and I think we even had a female pastor at one point (long time ago, my memory is not good in this area).  I liked their style as they were not always preaching about the fear of going to Hell every time!  More about love and acceptance!  NICE!!    

I never understood why the church got it in it’s head to make people fearful of God when most just do the best they can in this life.  We all make mistakes but many a religion teaches us to fear God and if we are not good we will go to Hell or some such place.  I also am very much in opposition to a church that is based in Patriarchy, esp one that pushes “fear” as it’s basis for control over it’s congregation.  It’s beyond my understanding considering how much the female energy compliments and is equal too the male energy!  It’s amazing to me that the female has been so subservient for as long as our current history remembers.  For a political moment just look at how the government and many branches of the church would like nothing more that to see a woman's right to choose taken away.  The Government, mostly made up of men, telling a woman that she has no right in controlling her re-productivity.  So she get’s raped by a stranger or, just as bad, a father/uncle/brother and is forced to carry that child to term?  Or she is hooked on drugs and gets pregnant and has to have a baby just as addicted to the very substances she’s struggling with  and now that child may have to live out it’s existence horribly disfigured and/or brain damaged??  What sort of life is that??  With today’s technology we have ways to find out ahead of time if the child is malformed or brain damaged and yet that would not be a choice to abort and try again, oh no, it’s life, sacred regardless.  In the animal kingdom they don’t think twice about destroying young that are malformed or not able to pull their weight.  Perhaps “Man” thinks they are above that but in my way of thinking I think it’s the right way of going about it all.  In my belief system a soul does not enter into the body until sometime into the 3rd trimester.  That’s when it’s wrong, in my book, to abort, esp a perfectly normal babe.  I hope a woman’s right to choose stays in tact and that the female energy continues to gain more power and respect and technology continues to grow to help us understand the human condition better.  People, unfortunately,  are going to follow what ever seems most popular, be it the views of the church or state or both, if they “think” it’s going to better their lives instead of thinking for themselves and creating their path.  Doesn’t mean we have to all go against the common laws of the land but if folks just learned to walk their own path, live by their own truths I think we would all be quite surprised to know many walking the same path and have the similar truths.  Government and Church are both political and controlling and basically brain wash folks into believing with out their guidance they are lost.  Such a shame that so many are duped into this belief system!

Back to my path... When my sister and I were placed back with our biological family after our court date (mentioned in the All About ME!! section) we were also reintroduced to Christian Baptist values.  When one’s formative years were filled with such an open way of life and then forced back to living a life of limited views and structure it can be a bit confusing and damaging to the mind and spirit it.  It affect one’s view of the world and they way’s of man.  At least it did that to me.  I was always in trouble.  Caught  smoking and skipping school and all the usual acting out types of activity.  Then the courts stepped back in and assigned us to a lovely woman in Social Services by the name of Kathy who introduced Mom, my sister and I to a child psychologist by the name of Jim.  The courts I guess had gotten wind that things may not be going all that well and wanted us both evaluated and helped if that was needed.   My sister got out of the counseling and “seemed” to be on the straight and narrow.  I was just in that time of my life where acting out against everything was what I did best to express myself and my inability to deal with my new surroundings and what was to be the start of my attraction to males.   

The issue of my being gay began to rear it’s ugly head when I was about 11 but I pushed it back down when I was custody was awarded to my biological mother.  So among my frequent visits to see Jim this issue came up.  One point I still remember was being very interested in the vasectomy that he had during the course of our visits and he was very open to telling me about it all the while taking notes about my curiosity.  Perhaps it was a lack of having a father figure that caused me to be so interested in seeing his ‘bits’ but there was more to it and I knew that deep down!  He then told me about his gay room mate that shared the house with he and his wife by the beach and I think that really helped open up the door for our discussion about my sexuality as I was VERY interested in meeting this man and talking with him.  

Of course when my Mom was told that I was gay but to understand that there was nothing wrong with me it broke her heart and she then set about doing what she could to “cure” me.  Nothing worked of course, you can’t change your biology, I don’t care what the church or society says!!  You are who you are, deal with it!!  Although it would be wonderful if society and the church stopped all the hate mongering towards people with orientations or beliefs they don’t understand!!  “Love thy neighbor” doesn’t count for much these days it seems “Judge and thou shalt be judged” is more like it and it’s not even our place to do so, that’s God’s place!  It’s one thing if you rape or murder someone but just because I’m gay or someone’s skin color is different than yours or they believe differently than you do makes you right and us wrong?  Something is wrong with that picture and our society as a whole has lost it’s way!!
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